Fun Buddies

2011-11-07T14:06:00.001-08:00

http://www.swaglikeme.com/blog/2011/9/8/nike-mag.html

who has NOT wanted these?

recut trailers

2011-06-15T15:38:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmkVWuP_sO0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekXxi9IKZSA&feature=related

Tom wrote aNOTHER book

2011-04-20T14:58:00.000-07:00

mmmmmmmmm...body language.

Explosions

2011-03-27T20:22:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to state my resolve to do this, to make one of you look amazing in front of an explosion, I just haven't gotten the chance yet. Stay tuned.

A Simple Kind of Man was awesome, btw.

2011-02-18T06:12:00.000-08:00

Mmmm...Brother Ali. The best thing in Minnesota besides Joe and Jesse.

Lasse's new self-help album

2011-01-24T18:33:00.000-08:00

scotty

2011-01-20T14:37:00.000-08:00

I posted this to scott's wall, but nobody saw it. It will be the beginning of my campaign to have us all represented in front of explosions on this blog

2010-07-01T17:47:00.000-07:00

I was watching There Will Be Blood again. Much as I'd like to keep hoping we can pull off a Halloween ensemble featuring the roles of Daniel Day Lewis, I think it is time we move on.

A more feasible plan would be to each dress up as a character from Unforgiven. The role of 'cut up whore who noone will have anymore' would clearly go to Joe Mahon. Lasse could play a triple role of the kid, Clint Eastwood, and their horses. Brad - Morgan Freeman, who can still hit a bird in flight with his rifle. Liz - English Bob. Miko - English Bob's biographer. Me - pure Hackman. Dee - the whore cutter with a teeny pecker. Tom's role is to keep saying "I'm your huckleberry", and Maggie's role will be to tell him that that's Tombstone, man, c'mon! Sean will play the barkeep/brothel owner who caint get no more money on account she's all cut up (cue tobackey spit). Plan?

Oh Jesus.

2010-06-15T06:51:00.000-07:00

Why have I never been to this before? Now I'll never get to see it.

Beats, Beats, Beats...and Beats!

2010-05-28T09:25:00.001-07:00

Usual yummy DEMF lineup this year:

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100527/ENT05/5270318/1319/&template=fullarticle

Anyone going?

Important work

2010-05-21T08:58:00.000-07:00

I can't stop watching this.

2010-05-20T16:31:00.001-07:00

Oh, Inception, ohhhhhhhh my...

omg

2010-05-12T10:09:00.001-07:00

http://www.masslive.com/news/index.ssf/2010/05/lord_jesus_christ_says_getting.html

School of Crack

2010-05-10T14:09:00.000-07:00

I'm just posting to say happy 30th birthday to my friend Liz, one of the rockin'-est chicks I know. Liz, I'm sorry I couldn't see your rock'n'roll performance the other night, but I'm sure it fucking rocked, because you fucking rock!

I hope your birthday fucking rocks too.

Rock on,

_joe

I see postage in your future

2010-04-27T13:31:00.000-07:00

May I have your addresses please? A note of warning: addresses posted here will be disseminated buddy-wide...

Musings

2010-04-07T16:57:00.001-07:00

This should be pronounced "Moooosings" in honor of Dee's electric double breast pump.

That's all I got. I'm tired.

BASS KICK BALL

2010-03-15T16:02:00.001-07:00

I am entering an NCAA pool. I have not watched a college basketball game since college. But, I will win based on this simple collection of tips I've compiled over the years of not watching basketball:

Never bet on any Louisiana team because they pronounce it 'Losey-anna' .

Never bet on the Boise Bracketsmashers because, more often than not, the bracket smashes them.

Always bet on the Transylvania Casketballers, even though they're typically disqualified in the first round (from biting, casketing the ball).

When in doubt, abide by the formula [A-X*Y(X/Y)] where A=basketball, Y=basketball, and X= raging college penis.

Find the player with the best signature move. Frankie "Best Signature Move" Robinson of Texas T&A University is usually the one. Then, don't bet on his team.

Find the player with Universititis. He has a mysterious dorm-related rash, so bet on his team.

Does any player wear excessive arm and leg bands? Yes=sure bet. No=dripping sweat.

For good luck, keep a cue tip in your ear throughout the tournament. Little known fact: if your team wins, it will be sucked in and pop out the other ear. If your team loses anyway, it will just blacken and fall out--no harm done.

Most people pull their hair during tense plays. They will lose. Get a leg up by yanking at your pubes instead, tense play or not. You may lose, but at least you won't look like an idiot pulling your hair.

Musings III

2010-02-28T18:51:00.000-08:00

Musings: what happen when I go on mental leave from science to prep for the baby.

Balvenie 15 year scotch: see above.

Ice Dancing: just an excuse to wear more fabric

Boxer shorts: see above.

Underrated: briefs, briefs, briefs. And legal briefs. And neck fat that flaps in the wind.

Overrated: Office 2007, gourmet Mac N Cheese, stink in my fireplace fire, marbles.

Countries represented in my lab: US, Lebanon, Spain, Germany, Japan, Israel, France, Switzerland, China, Canada

Countries represented in lab at 9:00am: US, china.

Tom’s Hot Gush: should be a signature mixed drink.

Modern rock: eh.

Postmodern rock: Lasse’s balls flapping against the bathroom tile.

I’m not sure who first used the word “nod” in Oscar conversation, but it has gotten way out of control.

Bukkake: what any good Powerpoint presentation ends with.

Seaside Bukkake Experience Suite: under consideration at Carnival Cruiselines

Your Porno Names and Catch Phrases

2010-02-26T17:46:00.000-08:00

Joe Mahon the Grow Man
"blow the grow"

Tommy-Buns Ainslie
"shoot em up"

Camaro Toe
"fast, but not easy"

Double Dee
"Double Dee's Double Ds: That's A Mouthful"

Liz Fill
"You, fill er up. Now you, top it off"

Iceberg Feld
"You can only handle the tip of it"

Reuter Screwedher
"and him"

Shaggie Reuts
"no razors"

Slot Seymour
"Put your coinpurse in my slot and then farts come out of my slot and you smell them while I'm jerking off"

Musings II

2010-02-26T13:02:00.001-08:00

Brace yourself...for a Meatwave.

Ombudsman believes the MIT loose cannon won't be a problem, I’m told. How, why: Dunno.

Polanski: if only he didn’t make such awesome movies.

Pol Potski: if only I weren't spoken for...

Last night Sean laid down on his belly like he was ready for a massage, and then said "Tickle me."

The Magnetic Fields: a good show

My jock: ready for whatever life throws it

Rat poo: smelly

Rat poo: all over

Musings

2010-02-21T17:58:00.001-08:00

Baby: eminent. Name, face: TBD. Belly: bursting.

My body, in excitement: undulating.

Sean’s nightmare last night: there was a dragon and a pig in his bed, and the dragon was petting him.

Good band name and hit single: Smooth Sailing, by Obstacle Illusion

I watch about as little Denver basketball as is possible, but am completely fed up with this Birdman idiot.

woa, yes, woa, yes, woa woa, yes yes YES: as heard during Olympic curling, or while
I made pudding tonight?

Valentine’s gift from your kid: pretty awesome.

True story from the halls of MIT neuroscience: Totally randomly I was shoved into a revolving door. Then come to find it is a grad student, and that there have been similar incidents, including violently kicking a door, other shovings, etc. Figure he is about to pop. It’s been taken to the MIT officials. Time will tell.

Beefy Russian hockey star: Sergei Groundchuck

Are highly intermittent bursts of fast jogging good for my body?

Prior locations for a conference I get to attend this summer for the first time: New Zealand, Scotland castle. This summer’s location: Jersey Shore.

In hotel hot tub yesterday, 5-ish year old hops in, yaps at me in usual 5-ish year old way. Then sits in front of jet and says “Ohhhhhh baby, that’s the stuff.” Then, “This hottub is hot! But not as hot as womens. There’s some there. You should talk to them. They like that”.

Fart: toilet appetizer.

Skid marks: doggy bag.

Hey, that's not the answer.

2010-02-05T10:37:00.000-08:00

I posted this on Miko's facebook, and then immediately realized it probably wasn't appropriate. Any way, this is what you get when you google, "she already served me."

Chicken police

2010-01-31T13:28:00.000-08:00

2009-12-27T07:49:00.000-08:00

Kyle got drunk and farted at my dad.

2009-12-21T14:05:00.001-08:00

Over the holidays I like to reflect on the past year, the ups and downs, the bests and worsts. I encourage you to make a list too. Why? Just make the fucking list.

* Favorite movie despite not having seen any of the year’s top rated: Public Enemy
* Favorite (and only) live show: Andrew Bird
* Favorite side characters that steal the friggin show: Andy (The Office), street corner thug (Gran Torino), Jimmy Smits (Dexter), Charlie (Its Always Sunny...)
* Movie that, on revisiting again in my head this year, still think is the most monstrously overrated movie of the decade: Crash (2004)
* God’s cheese gift to me: Dubliner cheese
* Biggest cheese mistake of ’09: last week’s homemade Roquefort & refried bean quesadilla
* Favorite Children’s show I’ve grown to absolutely hate: Yo Gabba Gabba
* Favorite Children’s show that aint so bad: Backyardigans
* Favorite Mr. Stinky: the one down there
* Least favorite weird thing: suddenly gaining weight; my weight has never fluctuated much, then bam, I turn 30 and here comes the pound packing.

Ridiculous Workouts

2009-12-17T08:07:00.000-08:00

I joined a new gym -- the ever-growing LA Fitness. And you get all classes free. Tonight, I'm trying Zumba. Check out the video below, then let the jokes begin. (Kinda looks like the same production company as Kinderkreis, huh?)

Tricky Smit

2009-12-15T08:53:00.001-08:00

One trick I like to play, though not really a good idea, is to lead Sean into a tough topic and have him ask Dee about it. Today's was spurred on by a blood drive sign: "Sean, do you want to do a blood drive?", "What's a blood drive?", "Ask your mommy". Then after explaining that it is for grown ups that donate blood for sick people, Sean says "But I'm not sick, so I can eat blood."

Aiight y'all

2009-12-08T10:33:00.000-08:00

Christmas plans. Let's hear 'em.

Here's a funny picture:

Let it ride

2009-11-22T17:18:00.000-08:00

I've been enjoying this recent trend of positng funny foreign videos. So to keep that going, here's a Dutch rap video about riding bikes.

I just discovered You Tube

2009-11-10T13:18:00.000-08:00

there's also the incredibly offensive knock-off: Deznecessarios - Dança do Retardado

In Other News

2009-11-06T11:19:00.001-08:00

Kyle has a man-crush on Ed Helms.

Halloween Pics

2009-11-06T11:16:00.001-08:00

Sean was "Bad Spiderman". He said "Trick-or-treat" and "Thank you" and got to eat candy. It was super cute.

A Serious Post

2009-10-20T08:20:00.000-07:00

Friends, have you seen the new Coen Brothers movie, A Serious Man, yet? I just saw it last weekend, and wanted to get your opinions. Don't read any further if you want to avoid spoilers, but here's my review:

I liked it.

I'm not even sure how prevalent the movie is in other parts of the country. It was filmed here in the Twin Cities, so it's a big deal locally, naturally. But if you have seen it, what did you think?

What other movies should I go see that are out now, or have been out recently?

Cock magnet

2009-10-09T12:33:00.000-07:00

If you haven't watched the onion psa against smoking, do so now, and tell your teen.

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/new_anti_smoking_ads_warn_teens

2009-10-02T18:07:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, now I want to introduce you to the idea of farting into a balloon, then quickly blowing it up, then releasing it into a crowd.

2009-09-26T18:35:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce you to the idea of farting in the pocket of a calzone.

That is all.

Kinderkreis

2009-09-22T19:06:00.000-07:00

Let's get this going again.

Ahhhh Germans..

2009-08-04T20:03:00.000-07:00

Joe:
If you google "oh man Joe Mahon", your first hit is quite the competition.

funnies

2009-07-25T18:18:00.000-07:00

more here: http://kleinmania.tumblr.com/

What part of "Muddy" didn't you understand?

2009-07-16T14:43:00.000-07:00

So, I signed up for this thing called Muddy Buddy because it sounded awesome. And it was. You do it with a partner. It's six miles total and there are five "legs," each with an obstacle (wall climb, low crawl, cargo net climb up and slide down a giant inflatable thing) at the end. One partner runs the first leg, while the other bikes it. The biker gets to the obstacle first, does the obstacle, and then takes off running. The runner does the obstacle, then finds the bike and starts biking. The biker passes the runner and gets to the next obstacle first and does the obstacle, then starts running. And over and over and over five times. Then, at the very end, there is a mud pit that you must CRAWL through.

Well, I did this with Nicole Allen, because she does, like, Ironmans and shit. (Seriously, she did a half-Ironman last month -- that's swim 1.2 miles, bike 50, then run 13 -- WTF??) So, anyway, she didn't even have to train, because she's all in shape, whereas I still (a week after doing the race) can barely run a mile all at once.

Long story short, it was SUPER fun. But get this, even though she obviously knew there was a mud pit at the end, Nicole could barely move once she started crawling through the mud. I kept looking back at her and going, "Come on!", but she was barely moving and had a look on her face like she had to eat the mud, not crawl through it. My mom was there and said the look on Nicole's face was the funniest thing she'd ever seen. (Also, people kept yelling, "Get on your bellies!!!", cause it's obviously funnier if you do an army crawl, rather than just hands and knees. I sort of went on my belly, but said fuck it, but Nicole was ever-so-careful, that you can see in the pictures how her shirt and shorts have nary a drop of mud on them. She literally only had her hands and knees in the mud.)

Then, after the race was over, Nicole left immediately, without even rinsing off -- let alone staying for the beergarten. Like, thanks a lot Nicole, I train for two months, make special tank tops and you won't even have a beer with me?? Whatever! And the beers were free!

Anyway, who wants to do it with me next year??

Go to my flickr (http://www.flickr.com/photos/lizhill/) to see all the pictures. Notice how Nicole's face is in a permanent scowl!!!!!! Ha hahahahahahah!!!!

2009-07-11T13:06:00.000-07:00

Daddy: Ow Sean, why did you do that?
Mommy: Don't step on Daddy's hand, that hurts.
Sean (innocently): I just smashed it.
----
Sean, during apartment showing yesterday:
"I need to poop"
"I did poop!"
"I'm doing poop again."
"I did poop! There's corn in it!"
"I need to pee."
"I did pee!"

Keep on bloggin'

2009-07-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

Friends, we've had a few posts recently, and I like it. So in the interests of keeping this thing going, allow me to use this forum to announce that Jessica and I will be in Chicago next week from Thursday through Monday, if anyone can make it and wants to fun-chill with us. I know, short notice, right?

I'll be attending the Pitchfork music festival. There's some bands I really want to see, and many others I could give a fuck less about. More importantly, I don't really like outdoor music festivals, and the place will be wall-to-wall hipsters, so frankly I'm dreading it. If anyone can provide me with an excuse to get out, I'd be forever in your debt.

And, speaking of hipsters, the fixed-gear bike has officially jumped the shark.

Deuce

2009-07-09T10:45:00.000-07:00

Dee is red hot preggers. Sean #2 all up in your face March 1. Friends better get busy; we're leaving you in our baby wake.

Name suggestions welcome (gender undetermined as yet). Top contenders:
--Muscles
--Swiss Miss Christmas Smith
--gscottseymour

FMRI -- Kyle, Enlighten Us

2009-07-07T15:07:00.000-07:00

Kyle, what are your thoughts on FMRIs? Ground-breaking research technology, overblown hype, or a thoughtful way of calming patients down by allowing them to listen to oldies while getting routine medical examinations?

Oh, and by the way, I'm moving to L.A. in 2010.

Blog 2: The Nightmare Returns

2009-05-29T15:47:00.000-07:00

That's a reference to The Blob 2, for you cinephobes out there.

Anyway, yeah, double wounds. Several weeks ago I drank too much wine, then came home and slammed into a door frame, then enjoyed bleeding, bandaids, and scarring from a wound above my left eyebrow. Later Sean requested to have a bandaid over his left eye too, saying he had "a paper cut". After a few days, Sean managed to fall headfirst on a bolt at daycare - hole in the forehead, ambulance with full strap-down, emergency room, 3 layers of stitches (3, count em, 3 layers). Now we both have scars above the left eye, his being quite a bit bigger, but solid bonding material nonetheless.

On the plus side Dee saw one of those street performer statues clad in gold puking in the ER with a documentary crew all up in the scene.

Blog it out

2009-05-10T14:50:00.001-07:00

I have two blogs to write. The first one, just for shits and giggles, is about "diarrhea, wine related". For the squeamish, I'll embed it within the comments here. The second one is about "brand new matching scars above the left eyebrow of myself and my son". This will have to wait for a few days; this diarrhea is much too pressing, and must issue forth....

2009-05-10T14:23:00.000-07:00

Going out on a limb here...last night's new digital short could be the best yet.

Dirty 30 revisited

2009-04-23T07:06:00.000-07:00

What we need here is a Vegas update.

I believe the Ainslie express is near booking a trip, arriving 9/17 departing 9/20, and staying at the Bellagio. Chugga chugga choo choo. The Smith/Scanlan express will likely book the same dates, and likely stay there too or else at the Flamingo (nearby, cheaper, titty pool access, but not as fancy).

What y'all rest of y'all think. Chugga choo?

Ja, Lasses Menschen koennen TANZEN!

2009-04-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

Wait

2009-03-22T16:17:00.001-07:00

I've become totally obsessed with Tom Waits (again). Dee's response to this news: "oh, no."

I'm diving deeper into the catalog this time 'round, but my favorites at the moment are Closing Time (for his meloncholy), Nighthawks at the Diner (for his diner lounge side), and Rain Dogs (for his quirky)...if you make it through this one, and like it, you'll find the last song to be amongst the greatest album closers ever. Right up there with The End from The Doors first album...he kind of has that same hypnotic lead-man thing going on actually here.

DEEP CIT-aY

2009-03-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

It's almost like Deep City meets American Movie, and it's gooood. Go to the 7 minute marker...

Real World: Brooklyn - MTV Shows

'Member this place?

2009-03-12T12:07:00.000-07:00

When y'alls gonna come back to tha D?

Guess

2009-03-02T17:18:00.000-08:00

Mike Mader's favorite movie of all time is___________?

(hint: it's The Boxer).

Take On This

2009-02-28T12:45:00.001-08:00

http://current.com/items/89390593/take_on_me_literal_video_version.htm

Funbuddy is ___________.

2009-02-23T14:40:00.001-08:00

Pick one adjective for each person on the list.

Tom is ____________.

Mel is ____________.

Lasse is ____________.

Joe Mahon is ____________.

Jessica is ____________.

Joe Wollman is ____________.

G. Scott Seymour is ____________.

Kyle is ____________.

Dee is ____________.

Sean S. Smith is ____________.

Miko is ____________.

Anne is ____________.

Liz is ____________.

Brad is ____________.

Maggie is ____________.

(Photo was on first page of results when I typed "funbuddy" into the Google image search.)

In You, Endo

2009-02-15T19:02:00.000-08:00

You know what, there is a lot of sexual innuendo associated with tools. First of all, tool, of course. But there are so many others. Screw, hammer, nail, nut…I greased up my tool, screwed her from the top, hammered her from the bottom, worked her from behind, nailed her from the side, then nutted and bolted. Really, there are few items that aren’t in use as innuendo, but perhaps they should be. Let’s see now. I took one look at her washer, and decided then and there I would wrench it one day with my hot glue gun. No? How about: ooooh, my, hand me a tape measure and that tube of white caulk!

Wheeeee!!!!

2009-02-11T19:37:00.000-08:00

This is what Brad, Maggie, Craig and I did on Sunday (except that we weren't black).

Take a "virtual ride" at: http://www.oakgov.com/parksrec/assets/multimedia/fridge/fridge_intro.html

Fill in the blank

2009-02-07T16:55:00.000-08:00

The list of _______ people.

Clues:

1. Tom was the keeper of the list at 609 Hill
2.Funbuddy (Chris Hundiak) was an entry on the list
3. The list was created because of a fortune cookie
4. Maggie and Brad can not think of the word that fills in the blank

Can you?

Kids + Drugs

2009-02-04T12:22:00.000-08:00

Urgent Message Concerning Chifweto

2009-01-28T16:38:00.000-08:00

I have it on good authority that, for many years now, Chifweto has been using the goo from Flex Armstrong for filthy, indecent purposes.

Roll Call

2009-01-28T13:27:00.000-08:00

Looks like my parents may join, and possibly littler brother. Those Pentwater and Ludington boys may take their feud on the trip too. So, that adds:

Kyle & Dee
Kyle Folks
Kyle Bro
Those Pentwater Boys
Those Ludington Boys
The Cameros
Brother Camero
The Ainslies
Sister Ainslie
Aunt Ironside (Favaunt)
Scott, pending foresight
Liz, pending sufficient cash wad
Mike & Anne, pending wad
Brad & Maggie

This trip will be sponsored by Chart Hits Supervideo Superstore Movie Sale Blowout, and I-Know-What-You-Did-Last-Summer-brand rain slickers.

VEGAS BABY! Or, The Dirty Thirty

2009-01-23T10:08:00.000-08:00

I just found out my vacation days were cut down (boooooooo economy!), so I'm trying to plan out all my days off for the year so I won't run out by Christmas.

Therefore, it's time to set the date for The Dirty Thirty! How's about the weekend of September 18th?

People who are IN:
The Cameros
Brother Camero
The Ainslies
Sister Ainslie
Aunt Ironside (Favaunt)

So! Do we have a date? Do we?!?

Coolest First Family Ever.

2009-01-23T09:27:00.000-08:00

I love the Daily Show just in general, but I really love the young black guy, Wyatt Cenac. On Inauguration night, he was reporting from the youth ball and he said, "This is a big day for my family." And Jon Stewart said, "Yeah, I bet black families all over the world are celebrating." And Cenac replied, "No Jon, not black families. I'm talking about cool families. This is the coolest president we've ever had. I wanted to make fun of his dancing, but I couldn't! And I'm black!"

Also, Michelle's fashions have been amazing. Not at all politian-wifey, but not too high fashion either. She's like a really fashionable career woman/mom. Love it. Love the little girls outfits, too.

New Raimi-produced fantasy series

2009-01-21T10:50:00.000-08:00

Has anyone seen Legend of the Seeker?

Holy shit.

Also:

Three Words--

2009-01-16T18:36:00.000-08:00

Animated.
Shadow.
Puppets.

Just watch it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMGSH0J0dUU

My Nephew Can Finally Walk!!

2009-01-07T13:27:00.000-08:00

I was getting worried....

I heart Photoshop

2008-12-25T08:00:00.000-08:00

Loving the 'Beer and Loafing in Las Vegas' and 'The Dirty Thirty: Vegas '09'.
Both beg to be plastered on matching commemorative t-shirts.

Mags

email and blog this sonofabitch

2008-12-24T13:26:00.000-08:00

We must start thinking about the Vegas trip for collective 30th birthdays. We need a general date for the trip, list of those possibly going. Then a few of us can committee this thing to fruition. First, we may need a good old fashioned party trip name:

Vegas Bonanza '09
Two double ott niner: a thirtieth celebration
Beer and Loafing in Las Vegas
The Fear
The Dirty Thirty: Vegas '09
High-return nickel sluts

A Message To Joe

2008-12-19T18:09:00.000-08:00

Joe, what's the story up there with Franken? Joe, I hear he's taken the lead, reports local paper, but is he even qualified? Hell yeah he's qualified--to be awesome! Don't even go there.

Joe, you wouldn't even believe the amount of data my shit is generating. I'm talking terabytes here.

Joe, there's nothing better than a good glass of The Balvenie with a splash of water. Except maybe the Balvenie together with a bowl full of spicy, chunky, beany chili...ohhhh, Joe, the textures....

Stella

2008-12-13T12:29:00.001-08:00

Not to trump Liz and Brad's entries, but, ahem, we got to see a little something called Stella live on Thursday. It was fergginn awesome. I was in tears during a bit about David Wain's favorite song to fuck to. Tears of joy. Plus they were taping the show for a DVD, which made me feel special. If you buy the DVD, perhaps you will be able to hear me in the audience - I was the one giggling like a schoolgirl and quietly contemplating farting on the guy in front of me whose head was much too close to my crotch. Should be audible.

My favorite holiday picture

2008-12-13T11:11:00.000-08:00

I made it into the blarg.

Unfortunately, Maggie and I won't see anyone who's in town for the holidays because we're leaving this weekend to go to Florida and see my parents. Won't be back until early 2009, so have a Merry C. and a Happy N.Y. (Wow, I just saved so much time by abbreviating those two things in such a manner).

So, here's our digital Christmas card.

Enjoy.

NYE @ Tom's Cottage?

2008-12-12T16:48:00.001-08:00

Okay, so, I don't know if Tom has proposed this to anyone but me, but... Who wants to spend New Year's Eve at the cottage? It would involve Champagne, cheap beer, whiskey (for Tom to get "fluent", if you know what I mean), weed, Catch Phrase, other board games, snowball fights, polar bear (for Scott and Joe Mahon?), and lots and lots of screaming in German.

I think it could be kind of cool. I mean, how many times have you gotta wasted at a bar on NYE? Right.

Thoughts? Alternative plans? Who will even be in Michigan?

Please please PLEASE everyone respond to this one!!!!!!!!!! I'm sick of checking for updates only to find NOTHING. So sick that I almost done puked (and then sent this out over e-mail).

2008-11-29T16:49:00.001-08:00

Anyone go to the Lahser reunion? Were all the jocks and geeks and dweebwads and spazoids and stoners there? Is anyone in the business of "solutions"?

Polish Polar Bear

2008-11-26T09:05:00.000-08:00

I prefer to think of them as German

Bat out of Hell

2008-11-24T18:36:00.000-08:00

The vast range of reaction times in this photo are astounding.
As is the complete destruction of that man's jaw.
Mags

Mirena commercial woman = Elizabeth Ainslie?

2008-11-23T12:18:00.000-08:00

I couldn't find a picture of the woman in the Mirena birth control commercial, so instead I used this horribly nasty one of an actual Mirena intra-uterine device inside a simulated uterus.

But that's beside the point.

My point is that the woman in the Mirena commercial looks exactly like Tom's little sister.

You know the commercial:
"...if your plans don't include another baby..."
"...get married, buy a house, finish a book, finish a SENTENCE!" [WTF?]
"...happily, if your plans change, Mirena is easily removed by your doctor"

Tom, please ask Liz if she's seen this commercial.

And for those who've seen it: Am I right or am I right??? I mean, right?

For the Punch Out fans:

2008-11-18T11:25:00.000-08:00

All Nintendo has to do to stay successful is recycle the same ideas from 1986, and suckers like me will eat it up.

Speaking as a professsional

2008-11-14T14:15:00.000-08:00

This is the best analysis of our current economic policy conunddrum I've come accross:

My subject line should be read in a snooty voice with a raised nose, BTW.

Hed

2008-11-14T10:14:00.000-08:00

"I got that tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that shit's under control."

"I've got so much tartar, I don't need to dip my fish sticks in shit".

To All You Gay Sex Haters

2008-11-09T19:13:00.000-08:00

Yea, I'm listening, and I'm proud to represent. There are gay ninjas like me all over that are sick and tired of the disinformation and biggums.
I have wanted to cut my hair like the kid in Shogun Assassin for years. So I made a tinfoil and
latticework samurai sword and painted my fu manchu black:

There are better pics to come but I don't electronically own them yet. Instead, here's my punk-o-lantern:

Let's test this thing out...

2008-11-07T15:16:00.001-08:00

Blog email feature testing, testing, testing.

Hail to the Chief

2008-11-04T21:39:00.000-08:00

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nicknames

2008-10-30T15:09:00.000-07:00

Here is a list of nicknames I have used for others in the past. I encourage you to add yours. This is vital for the blog.

Skeleton Death
Fun Buddy
Abu
The Red Faced Strut
Flat Face
Buddy
Silent Guy
It’s Nathan, It’s Nathan, It’s Sodomy, It’s Sodomy
The Atch
Penny Nips
Off
Shit Lips
Hurricanslie

My Wain Man

2008-10-28T13:07:00.000-07:00

I was just reading a story in the New York Times (cue "boooooo" from Palin/McCain rallies) about how Kevin Smith's new movie, "Zack and Miri Make a Porno," and David Wain's new movie, "Role Models," both star Judd Apatow regulars and have Apatow-esque plots and dialogue.

It just made me remember -- god, I love The State, and god, I love everything The State's members are up to now.

Kevin "Red-head Gay" Allison -- don't know, but it's probably cool

Michael Ian "Schwartz" Black -- I LOVE him on the "I Love (some decade)" shows

Ben Garant -- I LOVE him on Reno 911! (have you guys ever seen the episode where some guy wants the sheriffs to rescue his novel manuscript from a burning building and they make him describe it first, and then they all just go, "That's 'Frequency,' with Dennis Quaid"?)

Todd "Chicken Sandwich Carl" Holoubek -- I LOVE him as the NYU ITP equipment guy

Michael Patrick "Who?" Jann -- he was the tall guy, right?

Kerri "The Girl" Kenney -- her character on Reno 911! is one of the funniest things ever, especially when she dates that serial killer guy

Thomas "Jesus of Nazereth" Lennon -- okay, no wait, HIS character on Reno 911! is one of the funniest things ever, especially when he thinks that hunky guy is his son

Joe "Let's go to the zoo and watch the monkeys do it!" Lotruglio -- he's been in a few pretty good commercials, I guess

Ken "I wanna dip my balls in it" Marino -- steady work, and though I haven't yet seen "The Ten" (oh, the shame), he looked hilarious in the trailer

Michael "Doug" Showalter -- arguably the most successful mainstream actor of the bunch, though not so great in his ouevre, "The Baxter"

David "Crispy Puffs: They're Pretty Good!" Wain -- actually the most successful, he directed most of The State's episodes, "Wet Hot American Summer," "The Ten," and now "Role Models," a real, well promote movie; plus, he was hilarious on Reno 911! when he was pretending to be a special needs person just so he could get someone to wash his balls

I love you all!!

Sorry, but it had to be done

2008-10-22T18:27:00.001-07:00

He's about to pop...

I actually sent this

2008-10-21T07:39:00.001-07:00

To Whom It May Concern:

What does the $70 get us, besides "heavy appetizers"? $70 plus a cash bar? Plus paying for my boyfriend to come? I can't afford that, and I know of several people who will not be attending, for no other reason than because of the price.

Some of us may even organize an alternate reunion -- one friend said he might just go to the Moose Preserve and hope some people from the reunion walked over and said hi to him. And he and his wife both have successful jobs and own a house, and even they can't afford it.

I'm glad so many of my classmates are successful, but this is ridiculous. The last reunion was very nice, and it was only $20. I can't understand why $70 would not include any drinks. What are we supposed to do, ask our parents to pay for us?

I'm really really disappointed. I guess I'll try to go into financial services and see you all at the 15 year.

liz hill.

Pumpkining

2008-10-21T06:38:00.001-07:00

I used to spend quite a bit of time using knives, fake blood, etc, to create a terrifying pumpkin experience for trick-or-treaters. But this year I realized a much simpler method: carve a regular smiley pumpkin about 3 weeks prior to Halloween. By the time it rolls around, what you have is a semi-decomposed, blackened skin-looking pumpkin that looks like it may murder you in your sleep, or at least give you some sort of bad rash.

Chris Bowman is a dick (Buccafuri, not so much)

2008-10-20T08:10:00.001-07:00

Surprising, I know, as he was always the smiley skinny kid and pretty much a goody two-shoes. But Saturday night, I was at this place in Clawson called the Hideout, to review it for the News. (It's nothing special, but they do have a burger, fries and beer lunch special for $4.99. That's like the opposite deal of the LHS reunion.) Anyway, I start to walk over to some guys that my photographer is taking pictures of and then I realize, it's Chris Bowman and Ryan Buccafuri.

Buc looked different, much more adult (though I would hope so, because in high school, he looked like a middle schooler and his brother looked like a pre-schooler). Bowman looked the same, and he should, because I've seen him a few times in the past few years.

But okay, so I say, "Oh, hey Bowman! How you doin'?" He barely smiled at me, so I continue, "I'm here writing about this place for the News. Do you come here a lot? Do you like it?" And he just goes, "Don't do the reporter thing. It's, it's weird."

'Scuse me? It's weird? No, it's not weird to do the "reporter thing," because I'm here, on assignment, reporting on this place. So why not ask someone I know about the place? What??

Fuck you, Bow.

Also note, he and Buc were wearing shirts that said, "1st Annual Whiffin' at Balls Classic."

Reunyun

2008-10-19T10:22:00.000-07:00

Y’all done get the Lahser Reunion invitation? Y’all done going? I’ve been looking for an opportunity to spend $80 on appetizers, but don’t think I’ll make it in the end.

2008-10-17T07:25:00.000-07:00

I have a new band name for Mike: The Osgood Schlatters. I'm sure I am aware that this could also be a fine soccer team name as well.

Post

2008-10-10T21:20:00.001-07:00

What's Up, Sucker???

2008-10-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

Why no one post? I check all time. Why no post? Liz sad.

2008-09-26T09:25:00.001-07:00

I'm ferocious

My New Job

2008-09-24T22:02:00.000-07:00

I am waiting to be asked to do a second interview to be the Detroit Community Manager -- aka The Mayor -- for Yelp, a website Tom is familiar with. So, I Yelp now. Some people play golf. It's what I do. (By the way, if I do all this fucking "yelping" and don't get the job, I'm gonna fuckin' yelphhhhhhhh....uhuhhhgggg.)

Actually, I am starting to like it. But that's more even more reason why I'm going to be disappointed (read: pissed) if I don't get it.

Recent reviews by Liz H.

What's this?

Done Wedded

2008-09-23T20:31:00.000-07:00

My wedding highlights:

1) Scott’s photobooth series
2) Malte-isms (a-d were pretty rapid-fire)
a) Tom, don’t be a fucking pussy.
b) This isn’t going to be another night where Lasse’s friends suck
c) Kyle, don’t make me do to you what I just did to Tom
d) Tom, what does it take to create a site like Ebay?
e) Lasse, do you have that 32-hundred to invest in my...
f) Kyle, are you driving? Then what’s the fucking problem? I don’t care if
your beer’s full, it will be gone by the time I get back.
3) Totally missing the coney dog booth when it would have hit the spot so hard. Well, that was a lowlight.
4) Journey as the last dance
5) Cementing plans for a Vegas bonanza next year. It’s cemented – no escape now.
6) All up in the put-put
7) little bits of desert free for the taking.
8) You know that old guy in the Northwest Airlines magazine who is selling some fitness program with his fit young body that is clearly Photoshopped on, and who looks all creepy as a result? I totally slipped photo that into Mike's gift.

Wedding Photos!

2008-09-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

Oh my god, y'all. Craig and I had SUCH a good time on Saturday. Sorry we busted out so early; I felt like I was gonna pass out -- seven hours of drinking will do that, I guess. So, here's the link to all the pictures I took. As my hero, Joel McHale of The Soup, says: "Please to enjoy..."

Click on this shit to see the photos Liz took..

Things you see living near a city

2008-09-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

Driving to work today I saw:
(1) artsy-fartsy guy taking some sweet artsy action photos of a fire hydrant
(2) fat semi-comatose lady in motorized wheelchair with large flagpole at top speed right past him out of control, then careen off the sidewalk and into the busy street

2008-09-06T17:01:00.001-07:00

What's that daddy? That's a tat, son. Daddy kicks some ass.

2008-09-06T16:22:00.000-07:00

Hopsitality

2008-08-28T09:44:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard, the Republican Convention is being held here in St. Paul next week. In order to welcome the delegates to town, the good folks at the Daily Show have put up this billboard outside the Airport: